Tuesday, August 15, 2006
my bleah life

sleep... i'm getting a lack of it.
i've always been a heavy sleeper till late.
i get woken up by little movements and noises.
they usually don't bother me at all... in fact i've never noticed them before.
i sleep with the air-con switched off and wake up wondering who switched it off.
now i wake up to see my dad switch off the air-con.
i wake up an hour or so before my usual waking time and drift in and out of sleep.
i wake up in the morning feeling like i haven't slept at all.

then the work day starts.
overdued work remaining and new work piling above it.
it's not so bad if i'm given a lot of the same thing.
but getting a lot of different things makes me feel like i'm being pulled in all directions.
i'm starting to feel that i cannot handle the workload.
i'm beginning to dread dragging myself to the office.
this is not where i'm meant to be.
i need to be out there in an entirely different environment altogether.

it normally doesn't take much effort to cheer me up.
but now not much seems to be able to make me happy.

i'm so scared of being alone now.
whenever i am, i'll start crying to myself for no apparent reason.
even a short walk from the mrt station back home alone makes me feel depressed.
i need a constant companion.

i'm very thankful though that i have a boyfriend who pampers me a lot.
i really do feel that his ultimate goal in life is to make me the happiest girl in this world.
and he works hard to fulfill this dream.
sadly, i don't think i can say that i do the same for him.
i love him... i do.
but i don't think i've done my job as a girlfriend as well as he has as a boyfriend.

in times like this when i feel drained and lost and weak,
i need him for he gives me the strength and love i need
to hold on and just walk ahead.

i admit that at this point in time,
i'm relying totally on my boyfriend.
without him, i'll crumble.

i want my sleep.
i hate my job.
i fear loneliness.
i love my boyfriend.






and there goes another random entry...