Tuesday, September 05, 2006
a lesson to learn...

Went to office as usual on a Monday morning
switched on the comp... read blogs
took a bite out of my ham sandwich...
and i started weeping.

what in the world am i doing at work?!

went to my supervisor and told him i needed to take the day off
packed my stuff
off the comp
and left the office as everyone started coming in.

everybody is shoulder to shoulder rushing in the same direction...
walking through and past them is no easy task.
you'll get shoved and bump into other people
and you realise they are pushing you further and further away from where you want to get to.
but instead of feeling irritated, i just felt like bursting out laughing.
HA! LOSERS! rushing to work eh?
guess what? i'm rushing AWAY from work!
(but sadly, today and many more days to come, i'm joining these losers at work.)

as usual, i felt lonely and you know how much i fear that.
i wanted to fill the space within me and so i called for some company.
that friend however felt i should learn to deal with it alone and simply said he was busy.
i admit i was a little taken aback. i wasn't expecting that.
me, being in such a state was looking for someone i could rely on.
and at that point in time, he really disappointed me.
the more he was being mean to me, the more i felt i had to rely on myself and no one else.
i had to be strong for myself.

i shed the tears and i fight them back.
had MacDonald's breakfast to make me feel a little better. (i took an entire hour to finish the meal!)
then i headed to dhoby gaut and walked down to orchard...
bought an archie's comic, Jughead Double Digest, along the way.
by the time i got to the Orchard library, i felt much better already.

i've conquered my own fear and i've consoled myself.
i felt that i was that much stronger.
no more tears were shed for the rest of the day.

i learnt that...
the only one who could feel that space is me and me alone.
there is really no point in me getting someone else to feel that space for me because that person will not be able to fill it forever.

i've learnt my lesson.
and at that point, my phone rang.
my friend asked where i was and said he'll be down in 45mins(which turned out to be an hour).

[while waiting... guess who i met?! i met Garvin!!! haha... chatted a little and had a drink. oh... nothing beats meeting a childhood friend man. i cherish my friendship with my primary school friends. they are the best pals.]

"i know you want attention but you must understand that you can't always get the attention that you want. it does not mean that you want attention, other people would have to give it to you. everybody has their own life to lead and other commitments. you have to learn to be independent and solve your problems on your own. understand?"

pampered... but in an entirely different way. =)