Thursday, October 05, 2006
5 of the most common reasons and situations about why men leave women and relationships. (I guess it applies to why women leave men too.)
Reason #1: The "Pleasure Principle"
Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in their lives. And they want to have the people around them be a source of pleasure and comfort and support.
When you are constantly freaking out on a man for what it is about him that freaks you out, you quickly turn into one of the people that it DOESN'T FEEL GOOD to be around.
And this has a huge impact on whether or not he wants to invest more time, effort, and energy in you and your relationship.
Or if he will decide to give up on trying to fix what's going on with you so you can both feel good together.
Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future
For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman acts in the "little" situations become indicators of how she's going to respond when things really are tough and in the future.
So if a woman is consistently negative and emotional... and can't get herself together even when a man tries to explain things and comfort
her... then a man isn't going to think that things could be any better in the future together.
Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction
Love can be important to a man.
But just like a woman, if he doesn't also keep experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves... then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to not matter.
When a man doesn't FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at least every so often to remind him of why he's with her, then he'll forget why... and the relationship will become just a whole bunch of "work" to him.
Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he'll think of all the problems, frustrations, and negative emotions and experiences... and he'll see
a future and a commitment as something that will make him LESS SATISFIED in his life.
Often times when women are feeling distance or trouble in a relationship, they'll try to "talk" to a man and work on "the relationship".
Big mistake if you want to turn things around.
For a man, he wants to do things together (not talk) to know his relationship is working.
Creating a deep level of connection and sharing the attraction you have is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what.
Reason #4: The "Neediness" of Codependence
A man wants to be with a woman that brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy, and emotional "stability".
So when a woman doesn't have much going on for herself in her own life a few things happen.
First, she focuses on her relationship too much as her source of happiness or unhappiness.
The reality is that no man and no relationship is capable of being everything to a woman.
And no relationship requires that you sacrifice all your time, life, and energy for it... no matter how much it seems that way.
But our relationships can "trick" us into believing that they need all of our time and attention just to survive.
Not true.
In fact, the way this works is completely COUNTERINTUITIVE.
Often times men leave a woman because they see that she depends too much on him and has lost her own sources of happiness... and this not only looks and feels "needy" to a man, but it keeps the woman from having much to bring into the relationship and add to their lives together.
Reason #5: "She's Trying To Fix Me..."
Every few weeks or months I come across someone who says or alludes to the idea that "people don't change."
Wrong.
People often change their state of mind in an instant.
Especially from happy to sad.
Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or beliefs can take a bit longer... but these change quickly too.
A man can and will "change" and compromise for a woman.
It's a fact.
I see it all the time where men let go of their "bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman, and change a ton about their social lives.
But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN REASONS to change.
It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries to change for a woman, or for the sake of the relationship.
There's a rule I like to use in my life when ever I come to a situation where I'm trying to align my own desires or goals with someone else's:
"All motivation is self-interest"
In other words, if you're trying to create a great situation with a man, you're going to need to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for doing the work on his end to make it happen.
But lots of women try and get a man to change by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.
This is the exact opposite of understanding that people are motivated by the things that THEY WANT, and not what others feel and want.
It takes some maturity to accept that other people (men) have their own unique way of seeing things and wanting what they want. (to stay and work things out, or not)
But once you learn to accept these things and start to work with them instead of against them, life gets a whole lot easier.
sad to say... i was guilty of them all at some point in time or another.
i learnt it the hard way but what's important is i learnt.
however, learning, understanding and applying are quite different aspects of it all.
needless to say, the application part is the toughest of them all.
all I ask is for you to be patient with me...
~*~SpRiNg * tAmZ~*~ bloomed 
10/05/2006 01:05:00 pm.
10/05/2006 01:05:00 pm.