Sunday, October 29, 2006
Passion or Practicality?

What do people think when they see 'Diploma in Law and Management' on your resume? Do they think of prestige and status? Do they think that you're over qualified and too stuck up to fit the job if it has totally nothing to do with law?

Most people have a preconception of the diploma and the graduates who possess the diploma. When they see or hear 'Law', they foresee a person in a black and white suit who belongs to the air-conditioned office of the courts. They think that this person is of a totally different status from them. They push you into a different league, one that is miles away from them. I see them laughing and sharing with their colleagues "Ha! Look this law diploma holder is applying for a job here. She will probably come in her long sleeve shirt, tight skirt and killer heels, complaining about the heat, the smell, the dirt and just about everything here. She thinks she belongs here? She thinks she can take it?" and the colleague will go "Oh please! Bimbotic high-class bitch. Throw her resume aside, don't even bother and waste your time."

Does having a Law diploma qualify you for desk-bound jobs or jobs that require you to be in formal wear all day? What if you want to get out there in the sun? What if you want to get rough and dirty? What if you just want to be with nature? Are you not allowed to do so because you are over-qualified?

I am sick and tired of being cooped up in the office. My back is giving me problems because i'm stuck at the desk just about all day. My head is giving me problems because of the tension on my back and neck and from staring at the computer too much. My skin is drying from the constant air-conditioning (now that's a bimbotic complain). I feel claustrophobic within the walls of my office cubical. I feel irritated by every single thing that is happening in the office; the mere voice of colleagues, the complaints of applicants, the little kids who treat the office as their playground, the squeaky shoes the kids have and even a non-squeaky orange crocs, every single file and paper on my desk, every phone call and voice message i receive, divorces and death. Everything! I desperately need to get out of such an environment. It's no good for me.

People are also nagging at me to go back to studying. So maybe I will.

I want to pursue my dreams! My childhood ambition was to be a Wildlife Biologist, a Marine Biologist, a Zookeeper... well something along those lines.

It has always been a far-fetched dream for me. It's something I felt that I could never achieve because there is no relating course offered in Singapore. Going overseas to study was out of the question for me. After the 'O' levels, I was actually looking through science-related courses but I gave it up because I hated science in secondary school and was constantly getting scolding from my science teachers for never ever getting it right. I barely managed to pass my science at the major exam. I got a C6 for my Combined science (physics/chem). I didn't even do pure science and biology was not offered in my school for my batch. It was probably not meant to be.

I ended up doing Law in poly. Don't even ask me why I chose Law. Now I'm drifted further away from my dreams.

Then I met a guy, a guy who was doing Science. I later realised that we had similar goals where studies were concern. He got a place to study Zoology (which i later found out was actually marine biology) in Australia and I thought "lucky b*stard". At that time, I was not even considering going overseas to study. However, having listened to divorce stories for more than a year, I could take it no more. The fact that this guy was living out my dreams was slowly creeping up to me. I wanted to do it too! I was not going to sit and watch him live out my dreams, and just hope that one day he'll take me in as his assistant or something. If he can do it, why can't I? (erm... because he was a science student and I have zero science knowledge. but I was not letting it stop me. no harm trying.) I picked up the phone and called him, asking for all the details of the course. That very weekend, I went down to IDP to get more information and the week after, I submitted my applications. So then it was all about waiting and hoping.

After a very very long and emotional wait...


I want to major in Zoology. Those who don't really know me will go "Zoology?! you did Law! since when are you interested in zoology? is it a passing interest?" and those who really do know me will go "That's great! it's something you've always wanted to do! go for it!".

This is my one chance at realising my dreams, my childhood dreams.

Of course realising one's dreams is not as easy as that. Actually that wasn't exactly easy but it just gets tougher.

Now that i'm that much closer to my dreams, all of the other obstacles begin to emerge. Finances is at the top of the list among all the other things.

People who I was hoping would support me aren't exactly as helpful as I had hoped for them to be. These people happened to be the ones who were nagging at me to go back to studying and now they are the ones who are discouraging me to go for it. It's utterly disappointing and heart-breaking.

She said that they would never give me an offer because I have no science background and she told me not to waste my time. I applied and I got it. I showed it to her and she said "Don't do it la. Your father will not be able to afford it, don't make him a bankrupt la." That was a slap across the face... no worse... it was a punch... no... it was a stab in the heart. How would she know if my parents can afford it or not? How could she say such a thing to my face? How could she be so tactless? How could she hurt me so bad? How will I ever be able to share anything with her in the future?

My parents are not giving me a clear answer as to whether they are supporting me in this. Sometimes it's positive and then it becames negative. I've tried bringing it up several times but the issues are never solved.

Then of course there's also the job prospects to consider. I know that this is my passion and what I want to do for possibly the rest of my life. But will I be able to get my dream job when I return? Will I be able to earn enough to pay-off all my loans?

So till this point in time, I still do not know if I am going.

I do know however that if I let this chance go, I'll probably regret it my entire life.

Yet another crossroad. Yet another decision to be made.